Thinking about agrarian life

My last version of this journal piece is awful, upon reading it again with new eyes. I come from a lineage of agriculturalists. People who understood, through cultural heritage, what it means to produce food from the land, that ends up on the table. My grandfather, in addition to being a US trained doctor, held large tracts of land, dedicated to raising brahmin cattle, to be sold in auctions. Oddly though, I don't think any of his meat made it to the hands of family. (I should really look into why, actually.)

He had 4 daughters, exceptionally bright, and educated, but none of them inclined towards the agrarian life, at least not full time. My grandfather later in his life sold all of the land, citing difficulty finding quality cowboys, in addition to not finding anyone in the family interested in taking on that business. I was in college doing pre med, and later medical school and residency training, to become a physician. At the time, that was my sole focus. The responsibility of working the land, although a nice dream, really did not seem realistic.

I suppose I am frustrated. I think I want to prove a point be being like my grandfather - a doctor, and a farmer. Not only is it possible to do both, it is important to create resiliency in the food chain, by farming independently.

There is a farm the family owns together in another area of Panama by a river. It also has citrus orchards, mangoes, and other crops. But, none of the family is there full time, and a majority of the land is leased out to unrelated cattle ranchers. Family will go to visit from Panama City, often only for the day. They go for novelty and to briefly experience the country life, but none is committed to it full time. Also that trip to the country is a 3-5 hour drive.

What can I do, to not only keep the family agicultural tradition alive for me, but also do something that will have value and meaning for my daughter? I am resolved: I will find a way to recononcile my undying fascination with large cities, and still stay deeply connected to the agrarian life.